The Mostly Normal One
by RudeMinnesotan
Summary: Series: Unhinged; Agent of Chaos. Harry's purpose in this life was taking its sweet time to become apparent, so he killed time being The Popular Blonde Girl. But then… Vampires? Oh, well, that's more along the lines of what Harry would expect in an average lifetime. Now the question is, what is he supposed to do about it? They're the most boring vampires in existence. Don't Own.


**Chapter 1 - The Mostly Normal One**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine.**

**AN: Don't take this too seriously. I don't. *Follow The Bouncing Muse.***

**Beta'd by Scarletdewdrops. **

... ... …

* * *

It was his 15th birthday. Or her 15th birthday. Both were correct in the end. Either way, he was shocked. Shocked! After moving to Forks, Washington from Texas, Jessica Stanley, formerly known as Harry Potter, thought that something would stand out to him about what he was supposed to be doing in this lifetime.

He usually got some kind of clue by now.

But, nope. Fifteen years old and nothing. Nada. Zip. Zilch.

So he decided to do things a little differently.

He'd never lived a life that he could remember where he went super, totally girly.

It could be fun.

… … …

* * *

Entering High School as a bottle blonde, Jessica was the talk of the walk. She'd even gone through the trouble of applying make-up and wearing pink.

It looked good on her.

Harry found it hysterical.

Make-up, pink, and heels too, yeah. He'd done it all before. Flirting and the little hair twirl? Oh, he'd learned that all from the best of the best in the biz. Regina George would be proud.

High School boys- and girls- were nothing compared to demons. Or dark lords. Or aliens. Or chakra monsters, or creatures that thought themselves gods.

This was easy.

And a little boring, if he was honest.

But he did it anyway because it was something NEW.

It lasted for about a year before the vampires turned up.

… … …

* * *

Jessica was enthralled when the vampires first turned up. Jasper was definitely the cutest and she made sure to tell all of her friends how absolutely adorable he was with his curly blond hair.

Emmett was also super sexy. He looked like he could bench press her easily, and she tittered behind her hand while leering at him.

Edward was boring, in her opinion. Yeah, he was hot, but that broody type just didn't do it for her at all. Though he did kind of remind her of her first innocent… What was his name again? S… Ser? Said? Derrick? Cerdic. That sounds about right.

(Close, but not quite, Harry.)

Harry was curious if these vampires were what he was supposed to be stopping… However, after several months of observation, they had done… Nothing. Oh, sure, Harry had felt a surge of magic from the direction of the local tribe, but a quick bit of research (aka, putting out for some of the tribe's teenagers and getting them to talk during post-coital bliss) revealed it was nothing super special.

These vampires were more boring than high school, which, to be fair, Harry didn't often live long enough to experience. Especially not as normally as he was currently.

So, it wasn't the vampires and it wasn't the shape-shifters.

Harry's own magic had barely manifested in this life too, which just made everything extra boring.

… … …

* * *

Not even two years after the vampires moved in, there was another new girl in school. Jessica sized her up and dismissed her immediately. She had decided, over the summer, that she was done trying to play the popular girl and had let her blonde grow out. Lauren, the girl who replaced her as top dog of the school, constantly made fun of Jessica's hair.

As if Harry could really care. His hair was always black. Bleaching her hair was destroying it anyways. He was tempted to chop it all off, but he was waiting for a bit more growth before he went the pixie route like Alice. It was a cute look and Jessica figured she could pull it off too.

Maybe cute instead of sexy?

It was during biology that Jessica finally got a hint of why she may have been born into this life. Something odd happened when Bella came into the room. Or maybe vampires do get spontaneously constipated.

Of course, it revolved around the vampires. And that gloomy mouth-breather Bella too.

… … …

* * *

Jessica wasn't privy to everything that happened with the Cullens and Bella, but she did know that something big had happened. Two months. That's all the time that had passed since Bella had come to Forks, and something BIG had happened.

Shocking, really.

(Did you choke on that sarcasm, Harry?)

Since her friend, Mike, had a minor obsession with Bella, Jessica agreed to go with him to the hospital where the girl was staying.

Some kind of accident or something.

It was easy to tell, once they were in the room, that Bella had managed to get herself bitten by a vampire.

Idiot.

Nothing bigger than that though. Nothing for Harry to try to stop. The world wasn't in danger.

Yet.

He could feel the wheels of fate turning, _finally_, and knew his time was coming up.

… … …

* * *

Bella had a private birthday party with the Cullens and almost immediately afterward, the vampires left Washington. Most of them had graduated anyway, so it wasn't that shocking, but Bella's reaction to Edward abandoning her was extreme.

If they'd been together for fifty years and had built their lives around one another, then sure. He could totally understand months of zombie despondency, but not a boyfriend of less than a year, no matter how supernaturally badass he must have seemed to her.

Not only was Bella an idiot, but she was overdramatic too.

(And, honestly, who dates a fucking vampire when they're still human, eh? That's just asking for trouble and not in a good way).

(... Unless you're into that kind of thing. Maybe Bella was into that kind of thing?)

(Giggity.)

Jessica watched as the girl started to court danger and death in a way that she hadn't seen in… oh, since she herself had been suicidal.

She couldn't remember what life it was. There were several that were like that, after all.

Anyway.

Jessica was driving down the road in her nice, albeit used, car. She was obeying all the traffic laws because she was a good driver. Seatbelt: Check. Mirrors at the correct angles: check. Both hands on the wheel: double-check. Phone off and tucked safely into her purse: million times check. Those things were so dangerous. (super handy, however).

She was doing absolutely nothing wrong when that stupid bitch new girl from school came roaring down the road on some souped-up motorbike. No helmet, no protective gear, nothing. And for some unholy reason, that idiot was looking at the SIDE OF THE ROAD instead of forward!

Even when Harry laid on the horn, the girl didn't react. Nothing. So, Harry did the only sane thing he could when blocked in by trees on both sides of the road and slammed on the brakes. Unfortunately, the downforce this action created only made it easier for the bitch to run her bike right up the hood and into HIS FUCKING FACE.

At least the death was pretty instant for them both.

… … …

* * *

GLORIOUS DEATH, MASTER.

"What in the actual fuck mate?" Harry turned to look at Death, hands on his hips and a little cock to his head. "Seriously, what the fuck? Smooshed? By motorbike? That's not glorious; that's a terrible way to go!"

YOU WERE BITTEN IN HALF ONCE.

Harry rolled his eyes, "That was ONE TIME."

AND MAULED BY A TIGER.

"Whatever, this is different."

WHAT ABOUT THAT ONE LIFE YOU FELL OFF A BRIDGE?

The glare that Harry pinned Death with would have burned a man alive in another life. "I JUMPED TO SAVE THE WORLD." Actually, now that he thought of it, those laser eyes from that one life would be pretty useful right about now.

KEEP TELLING YOURSELF THAT, MASTER.

Harry was impressed that even though Death's voice was made up of the sound of funerary bells and the moans of the dead, he still managed to carry off sarcasm rather well.

"I fucking hate you," muttered Harry, folding his arms over his chest. A lack of boobs made this effect feel… different. "But, ugh, whatever. Things turned out all right in the end, right?"

EDWARD COMMITED SUICIDE VIA VOLUTURI WITHIN A WEEK OF LEARNING OF BELLA'S DEATH.

"Oh, goodie. No newborn army. No immortal child. No Rene-" the name was finished off with a sneeze. Rene-sneeze. Heh. "All-in-all, a much better world than when I entered it."

YES MASTER, MUCH BETTER.

"Where to next?" He rubbed his hands together in glee, excited.

… … …

* * *

**AN: I need to credit my beta much more for this since it was her idea and she wrote Jessica-Harry's death scene. Well, wrote it and then I altered it a bit. But, seriously, thank you. Got any ideas of the Unhinged MoD to pursue? (If you have another idea for twilight, give it to me. There's nothing that says he can't relive the same world again lol). **

**BN: We had lots of laughs making this one, hope you enjoy it as much as we did! :)**


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